Alright, let’s talk about this SpongeBob fella. Folks been jabberin’ on and on, is he or ain’t he… you know… that way.
Is SpongeBob SquarePants gay? Well, I ain’t never seen nothin’ clear as day, but that don’t mean nothin’. He’s a happy-go-lucky little fella, always smilin’ and jumpin’ around. Reminds me of my nephew, bless his heart, always full of energy, though he ain’t never been right in the head.
Now, some folks say he’s LGBTQ+. Big words, them. Don’t rightly know what all that means, but I reckon it means he likes what he likes. And good for him, I say. Ain’t nobody’s business who he loves or how he loves ’em.
They been talkin’ about this since way back when, even before my old mule, Bess, kicked the bucket. That was a sad day, that was. But I digress. This Nickelodeon channel, they put out some pictures, you know, with rainbows and all. Said they were celebratin’ pride month and SpongeBob was part of it. Made a lot of folks go “hmm,” you know?
- They say he’s “sexually ambiguous.” Another big word. Means nobody knows for sure, I guess.
- Then there’s talk he’s “asexual.” That one I understand a little better. Means he ain’t interested in nobody, like my old cat, Mittens. Just wanted to eat and sleep, that one.
But then you got this fella, the one who made SpongeBob in the first place. Said SpongeBob ain’t gay, just sort of… nothin’. Like a plant or somethin’. But then again, he also said he was “almost asexual.” So which is it, huh? Makes a body’s head spin, all this back and forth.
And this sea sponge thing, you know, they do it both ways, like chickens. So, that don’t help none.
Then you got some smarty-pants folks, college-educated I bet, sayin’ SpongeBob challenges what it means to be a man. Says he wears regular clothes and ain’t all rough and tumble like them cowboys on TV. But my Harold, he wasn’t no cowboy and he was a man alright. A good man, even if he snored like a freight train.
Look, here’s what I think. SpongeBob is SpongeBob. He’s a good friend to that starfish, Patrick, and he loves his pet snail, Gary. He works hard at that Krusty Krab and he always tries to do the right thing. That’s all that matters, ain’t it? Whether he likes boys, girls, or nobody at all, that’s his business.
This whole thing reminds me of the time Mrs. Henderson down the road started wearin’ pants. Folks gossiped and whispered, but she just kept on wearin’ them pants, holdin’ her head high. And you know what? Them pants looked mighty comfortable.
So, let SpongeBob be SpongeBob. Let him wear his square pants and flip his burgers and be happy. And if he wants to wave a rainbow flag, well, let him wave it. It ain’t hurtin’ nobody. Life’s too short to worry about who’s lovin’ who, long as they ain’t causin’ trouble. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed the chickens.
Tags: [SpongeBob SquarePants, Gay, LGBTQ+, Nickelodeon, Pride, Asexual, Sexuality, Cartoon, Character, Controversy]
