So last night I finally sat down to watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part Three. Honestly, I almost didn’t bother. These reunions can be such a drag sometimes, right? Dragging out the same fights for weeks. But hell, I’d seen parts one and two, might as well finish it. Needed that little hit of catharsis before bed, even if it’s manufactured chaos. Grabbed my laptop, some chips, plopped down on the sofa like a sack of potatoes.
Fired up the streaming service – took forever to load, like it always does. Why is that? Anyway. Immediately, Erika Jayne’s hair hit me. That platinum blonde helmet. Damn. Crystal Kung Minkoff looked kinda tense just sitting there. You could see it in her shoulders, real stiff. Kyle Richards was doing that nervous blinking thing she does. Classic Kyle.
The first ten minutes? Pure yelling. Sutton Stracke and Diana Jenkins just going at it. Sutton waving her hands around like she’s swatting flies, Diana staring daggers. Tried to keep track:
- Who paid for Garcelle Beauvais’s birthday party? (Still confused.)
- Sutton crying again over literally nothing? (Big surprise.)
- Kathy Hilton “accidentally” insulting everyone? (Come on, Kathy.)
And then Rinna. Oh boy, Lisa Rinna. She comes back from the bathroom break looking like she chewed glass. Her lips got even thinner! How is that possible? Leaned right into Garcelle, voice all low and fake-mellow. Talking about “holding people accountable” while her own eyes were darting everywhere. Felt like watching a cobra charm a mouse. Garcelle just stared her down, cool as a cucumber. Respect.
The whole Kathy Hilton “meltdown” storyline took up half the damn episode. Andy Cohen kept pressing, looked like he was trying to squeeze juice from a rock. Kyle shifted in her seat every three seconds. You could tell she hated this part. Rinna kept chiming in with “I heard what she said!” But what did she actually hear? Who the hell knows! Pure Rinna Special. Everyone looked awkward as hell, staring at their lap or the ceiling. Felt like a high school detention, rich old ladies included.
They brought up that Aspen trip again. Flashbacks galore. Kyle clammed up completely about the whole sister feud with Kathy. Like, stone-faced. Guess some things are too real for the cameras. Even for them.
Wrapping It Up (Thank God)
Honestly, by the end, I was cackling like a hyena. Not because it was funny, but because it was such a goddamn mess. Andy tried summing up season highlights, but everyone just looked exhausted. Kyle did her signature “LOOK AT MY OUTFIT!” twirl. Garcelle looked relieved it was over. Rinna was still vibrating with unspent drama energy. Diana looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. Can’t blame her.
Clicked that little X on the browser tab the second Andy said goodnight. Felt like I’d run a marathon. My chips were gone. My brain felt fried. Kinda forgot why I even started watching. But hey, that’s Housewives, right? It never disappoints in being a total trainwreck. Would I watch it again? Probably. Tomorrow. Need a nap first.
