Okay guys, so today I dug out this old photo from 2016 and decided to recreate that makeup look. Honestly? What were we even thinking back then? Heavy contour lines like someone drew ’em with a Sharpie, eyebrows thick enough to park a truck on… yeah that mess. Grabbed my ancient makeup bag from storage first thing.
Starting With the Base
Opened this dried-up mousse foundation that smelled vaguely like crayons. Slapped that stuff ALL over my face using my fingers – no blender nonsense back then. Ended up looking like I dunked my head in pancake batter. Cakey texture? Check. Wrong undertone? Double check. Shook my powder compact hard like it owed me money before puffing clouds of ghost-white powder everywhere.
Bro Brows Era
Grabbed this awful waxy pencil and just attacked my eyebrows. Went:
- Drew two angry rectangles on my forehead first
- Colored ’em in so hard the pencil tip snapped
- Made the inner corners blocky like Lego pieces
- Smeared highlighter under ’em till they practically glowed radioactive
Seriously looked like two fuzzy caterpillars took residence on my face.
Contour Catastrophe
Busted out the contour kit with stripes of brown and orange blush. Sucked in cheeks till I got lightheaded and painted stripes below my cheekbones that didn’t even follow my bone structure. Blended with this crusty sponge – ended up with muddy skid marks down both sides of my face. Looked less contoured, more like I fought with a bag of dirt and lost.
Eye Stuff That Would Scare Children
The eyeshadow palette literally shed glitter dust when I opened it. Packed:
- White shadow everywhere like I was joining a 90s boy band
- Chunky glitter in the inner corners that kept falling into my eyes
- Blended dark brown so far up it almost touched my eyebrows
- Drew eyeliner with the shaky hands of a caffeine addict
Finished with spider-leg mascara so clumpy my lashes fused together.
The Lips (Oh God The Lips)
Grabbed this liquid lipstick that smelled like stale cookies. Color? That trendy corpse-beige every Instagrammer wore.
- Overlined way above my actual lip line
- Left that butthole look in the middle when the color faded
- Topped with sticky gloss like I’d been eating fried chicken
Made my teeth look piss-yellow and lips shriveled like raisins.
Final Hot Mess
Added fake freckles using eyebrow pencil like Instagram told us to. Sprayed setting spray that left white spots all over my jacket. Stared in the mirror wondering why my 2016 self thought looking like a toasted Cheeto was fire. Took selfies with the peace sign and duckface obviously – no other way to capture that vintage cringe vibe. Immediately washed it all off using half a bottle of micellar water afterwards.
