Right, so you know how sometimes you see a costume idea and you think, “Yeah, I could probably hack that together”? That was pretty much my starting point for this whole Rita Ora as Post Malone getup. It wasn’t for Halloween, not even a proper party, which makes the story even odder, thinking back on it.
It all kicked off because my mate, Jim, roped me into this local talent show. Well, “talent show” is a grand term for it. It was more like a ‘let’s see who can embarrass themselves the least’ kind of community fundraiser. I’d completely forgotten I’d mumbled a “maybe” to him months ago when he was desperate for acts. Fast forward to a week before, and he’s on my case, “You’re still in, right? We need numbers!”
Numbers? I had zero act. Zilch. My only talent is probably finding the TV remote after my kids hide it. So, panic mode. I was scrolling online, desperate for something, anything, that didn’t involve actual singing or dancing. Then I saw that picture of Rita Ora totally nailing the Post Malone look. And a little lightbulb went off. It looked doable. More importantly, it looked like something I could piece together without, you know, any actual skills beyond being able to put clothes on.
Getting the Vibe Down
First off, the clothes. Posty’s got that whole lived-in, slightly grungy, oversized thing going on, and Rita Ora absolutely captured it. I didn’t have to look far. My wardrobe is basically a collection of “lived-in” items. I dug out an old flannel shirt, one that’s seen more music festivals than I’ve had hot dinners. Then, some ripped jeans – the rips were authentic, earned through years of questionable DIY projects.
The key, I figured, was making it look intentional, not just like I’d forgotten to do laundry. So, I made sure the flannel was extra baggy, sleeves rolled up a bit haphazardly, just like Rita had it.
The Face Art – The Real Challenge
Okay, this was where the real “project” began. The tattoos. This was the make-or-break part. Obviously, permanent ink was a no-go. My pain threshold is embarrassingly low, and explaining “Always Tired” under my eyes to my boss on Monday wasn’t appealing.
So, I armed myself with a cheap black eyeliner pencil. My daughter had a bunch from some phase she went through. Figured it was my best shot. I pulled up the Rita Ora pics on my tablet and got to work. Here’s how that went down:
- The “Always Tired” under the eyes: Surprisingly therapeutic to draw on, actually. Felt very fitting for my general state of being.
- The sword on the cheek: This took a few tries. My first attempt looked more like a wonky tadpole. Wiped it off, tried again. Still not perfect, but recognizable if you squinted.
- Barbed wire on the forehead: This was ambitious. I tried to copy Rita’s version. It ended up a bit thicker and smudgier than planned. Let’s just say it had ‘character’.
- Various other little symbols: A few squiggles here and there. By this point, precision had gone out the window.
My bathroom sink looked like a coal mine by the end of it. There was eyeliner everywhere. But, you know, progress.
Finishing Touches (Or Lack Thereof)
For the hair, Posty often has that slightly unkempt, braided look or just shoves it under a hat. Rita went for the braids. I just sort of slicked my hair back, made it look a bit greasy (not hard to achieve, if I’m honest) and threw on an old baseball cap. Done.
Accessories were crucial for selling it. I found some cheap, chunky fake gold chains from a forgotten fancy dress box. And for the grillz? Rita had some subtle ones. I, uh, creatively employed a bit of tin foil. Yes, tin foil. It didn’t last long, got a bit soggy, but it was there for the initial impact. I even carried around an unlit cigarette for a bit, just for effect, though I quickly ditched that as it felt a bit daft.
So, the night of the “talent” show arrived. I felt like a complete numpty backstage, eyeliner already starting to smudge under the hot lights. But when I shuffled on stage, and Jim did his little intro – “A tribute to Rita Ora’s tribute to Post Malone!” – people actually chuckled. Some even clapped! It wasn’t slick, it wasn’t professional, but it was definitely a ‘look’.
The best part was a couple of folks afterwards saying, “Mate, I genuinely thought you were just doing a really rough Post Malone, but the Rita Ora angle makes it genius!” Genius might be pushing it, but hey, for a last-minute save pulled together with eyeliner and hope, I’ll take it. It certainly beat trying to sing.
