Okay, so I saw this crazy idea online about Lady Gaga’s meat dress and I was like, “I gotta try to make something like that!” Not, like, a whole dress, ’cause that’s just…a lot. But maybe a smaller version? So I started brainstorming.
The Prep Work
First, I hit up the grocery store. Forget your fancy butcher shops, I went straight to the regular supermarket, looking for the cheapest cuts I could find. I ended up grabbing a bunch of:
- Flank steak – seemed like it would drape well.
- Some thinner cuts of beef – for details, maybe?
I also picked up some thread and a needle – you know, the heavy-duty kind, ’cause I figured regular sewing thread wouldn’t cut it with raw meat. Oh, and plastic wrap! Lots and lots of plastic wrap. This whole thing was gonna get messy.
Getting Down to Business
Back home, I cleared off my kitchen table and covered it in, you guessed it, plastic wrap. I laid out the biggest piece of flank steak and just kinda…stared at it. It was surprisingly hard to figure out where to start!
I decided to try and make a little…meat purse, I guess? I started by folding the steak in half, and then I got to work sewing the edges together. Let me tell you, sewing raw meat is WEIRD. It’s slippery, and it kind of…squishes. And the needle kept getting stuck.
It took forever, and it definitely wasn’t pretty. The stitches were all uneven, and the meat kept wanting to bulge out in weird places. I used some of the thinner cuts to try and make a strap, but it kept tearing. I definitely underestimated how fragile this stuff would be.
The (Slightly Gross) Reality
After a couple of hours, I had something that vaguely resembled a small pouch. It was lumpy, uneven, and starting to smell a little…ripe. I wrapped the whole thing in more plastic wrap, mostly to contain the juices and the smell. It was definitely not something I’d ever want to actually use.
The Final Product
Honestly, it was a mess. But it was a fun, gross, weird mess! I took some pictures, mostly to prove I actually did it. Then, I double-bagged the whole thing and threw it in the trash. My kitchen smelled like a butcher shop for the rest of the day, but hey, at least I can say I tried to make something inspired by Lady Gaga’s meat dress! Would I do it again? Probably not. But it was definitely an experience.
