My Dumb Football Problem
Got hooked watching Travis Kelce play. Dude’s smooth like butter finding those open spots. Thought, “Hey, bet I can do some of that stuff playing pickup on Saturdays!” Yeah… didn’t work like that at all.
Tried just running around like him during our usual park game. Total disaster. Crashed into Mike near the BBQ grill. Almost kicked the dog chasing a lame duck throw. Felt like a cartoon character tripping over my own feet. Zero grace. Zero Kelce magic.
What Went Wrong?
- Ran routes all stiff and straight, like a toy soldier.
- Shoulders were up near my ears. Zero relaxed swagger.
- Kept looking straight at the QB like a lost puppy waiting for treats. Totally obvious.
- Made cuts early every single time. Easy pickings for Gary, the retired mailman playing safety.
Time For Some Serious Play Pretend
Stubborn me wouldn’t give up. Next Thursday night, dragged a beat-up tire, a chair, and three traffic cones out to my dead-end street.
Started stupid simple:
- Walk First: Literally walked around the tire. Focused on keeping shoulders loose, head kinda swiveling but mostly forward. Felt ridiculous.
- Add a Tiny Cut: Just nudged around the chair when I reached it, one step sideways. Practiced snapping my head back looking “for the ball” real quick, then turning to run.
- The Cone Game: Set the cones kinda apart. Ran sorta-towards one, then pretended to cut hard past it towards the “open zone.” Goal: Make that cut look sudden without actually slowing down much.
Key thing? Timing my head snap. Didn’t look back until right after I started making a move away from the chair or cone. Hard to unlearn staring at the QB!
The Big Park Test (& What Still Sucks)
Armed with my street practice, tried it again Saturday. Small wins first: Gary didn’t pick me off twice in a row. Actually got open deep once! Ball was overthrown, but I was open. Progress!
Stuff I Still Can’t Do:
- Kelce makes these tiny shoulder shimmies mid-route that freeze defenders. Can’t fake that yet. Looks like I’m having a shoulder spasm.
- His ability to instantly sit down in a soft spot when the QB scrambles? Haven’t got a clue where those spots even are.
- The effortless way he just boxes guys out with his big frame? Yeah, I get pushed around.
Bottom Line? Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS)
Can I “Play Like Travis Kelce”? Hell no. He’s a freak. But, trying to copy a few basic things changed my scrub-level game:
- Don’t telegraph: Don’t stare down your QB like he owes you money.
- Cut sharp, not early: Wait until you’re closer to the defender before making your move.
- Body language is a lie: Loose shoulders, head up, look confident even if you’re winging it.
It’s messy, sweaty, and I still mess up constantly. But figuring out even a tiny piece? That’s the fun part. Now, excuse me while I ice my knees.
