Alright so earlier today my wife kept bugging me about this Tarzan Ella Purnell show everyone’s talking about. Figured I’d see what the fuss is about since Tuesday’s my lazy TV night anyway. Grabbed some popcorn and fired up the streaming thing.
First Impressions Were Rough
Hit play on episode one and man… The CGI monkeys looked like my nephew’s claymation project. Felt super cheap right off the bat. Ella Purnell does the Jane part okay I guess? But she’s just doing that same wide-eyed thing from Yellowjackets. Tarzan dude barely says two words together in the whole first hour. Started checking my phone halfway through.
How I Suffered Through It
Dragged myself through three whole seasons since the internet swore it gets better. Spoiler alert: nah.
- Season 1: Jungle politics nonsense. Remember that scene with the evil geologist? I laughed out loud when his “high-tech” gadget was just a Walkman with wires glued on.
- Season 2: Random volcano eruption subplot. Whole village got wiped but Tarzan’s ratty loincloth didn’t even get singed. Come on.
- Season 3: Some lost civilization garbage. At this point I was folding laundry with the volume muted.
Why You Should Trust Me On This
Watched every damn episode cause my buddy Pete bet me I wouldn’t finish it. Won $20 and two beers outta that torture. But seriously – wasted five hours of my life so y’all don’t have to. Wife walked in during the finale, saw green screen vines glitching out, and just shook her head. Even the cat left the room when Tarzan did his yell.
Final rating? One star for Ella’s eyebrows. That’s it.
